March 28, 2022
Written March 20th
The past 24 hours have been an absolute nightmare. After over a year of planning our trip to Paris, I came home from a church meeting to a somber Alex… “I have bad news.”
Our Airbnb 2 month reservation for our stay in Paris that we had booked last August canceled. We spent the rest of that night scouring over Airbnb’s, a task that we had just completed for Italy. At this point there were no rentals available that had extended stays, and prices were now doubled (if not tripled).
I can’t lie, when I plan something and pour myself over the details, I’m very careful to make sure that finances are solid. This threw me completely into an emotional tornado as questions of finances, safety, and proximity seemed endless.
We’ve since found an airbnb that we are excited to stay at, it’s no longer in the heart of Paris, but it’s a short 11 minute ride into town. I had a hard time separating what I hoped this trip would be, with the new reality of what it will be.
Today I couldn’t feel any consolation. It felt like a permanent heavy weight was on my chest and mind and I couldn’t think straight. In an attempt to get my mind off the issue I decided to run all our groceries by myself, did my homework, cleaned, pickled beets, and finally did some yoga.
The yoga flow was specifically tailored for when you’re feeling down, and couldn’t stop crying and shaking. I truly felt like after everything I’d done, it was falling to shambles. If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear. Here I was, having had the carpet ripped from under me, and I was furious. I was prepared! Why was I having to face this uncertainty and these burdens?!
I couldn’t help but think of the lesson we’d had in church, all about trials and meaning in trials. I felt my mind realize that the only thing I’d attempted to do all day was seek peace through distraction, and it wasn’t working. Yes I’d prayed, but I hadn’t humbled myself in prayer to really really talk with my Maker.
So I stopped everything and just talked with Him. Little ideas came to mind as I vented and poured out my heart. I finally had one thought that stuck- a thought to reach out to a friend and start a creative project with them. Instantly, like the quiet after the storm I was drafting a text.
I’ve never had Heavenly Father distract me!
It is funny to me now to look back at how perfectly He knows me. All day I’d tried methods that typically help me calm down, but then, in my darkest moment I felt Heavenly Father comfort me in a way that I didn’t even know I could be comforted.
It felt like He needed to prove to me that peace only comes from Him as a gift to me. Try as I might, I can’t conjure up lasting and heavenly peace without Him being the source. It was neat. Today I learned that peace comes from God, anything else is temporary at best.